This article featured in the latest issue of Ensemble Magazine. To read the full features, read here
Quitting my last job was the hardest thing I ever had to do. This was partly because for the first time in my life I felt like I was making a decision entirely alone.
There was nothing wrong. I was comfortable. I was fine, but I wasn’t happy.
Before this point, most of my decisions were already partly made for me as I knew the general direction my life would take. I was going with the flow. My next steps were always in place. I always did what I was supposed to do. I did things like most people do.
I have no resentment about this. I’ve had and have a great life, full of love, opportunities and excitement. I know that being a woman of colour, my life could have been completely different depending on where I was born or if my circumstances were slightly different. I think about this daily. I feel like most of us in fortunate positions are our versions of nepo babies. If it wasn’t for my parents and their parents, and all the generational upbringing and values passed down - I would be a very different person living a very different life. All of the million factors added together have meant I have the life that I do.
Not to sound too stereotypical, but being from a South Asian family, education was always really important. I have been taught from a very young age that education opens doors. In my family, I have been fortunate to have many female role models of many generations with high levels of education. In my family, it wasn't just about degrees or fancy qualifications, but a genuine love for learning, beyond just careers. Even now, my grandparents who are over 85 have the most impressive library. When I visit my grandma in India, I will routinely find her translating books in the afternoons after lunch. My grandad used to read books on philosophy with his evening tea. The environment in which I grew up truly valued learning, and I naturally grew towards that. I was a big nerd!
🎯 I was on a path
That is why quitting my job without a plan was so difficult for me. I was on a path. I was building something. To move away from what I was supposed to be doing was terrifying, but also felt like I was disappointing someone.
To give up a job, that I spent so much time and money (i.e. an overpriced degree) to get, felt like a step back. Whilst I have been gifted with the most supportive family who only cheered me on in this journey, I found myself to be the biggest barrier. Overcoming this was incredibly liberating.
I came to realise that this feeling of ‘getting over yourself’ doesn’t have to do with big changes in your life like quitting your job. It can just be the realisation that you need to change something about yourself. It could be that you are catching yourself continually talking down about who you are, or repeatedly getting caught up in comparing yourself to others. It could be any habit, situation, behaviour or internal dialogue.
Quitting is tough, but sometimes going through with it is the best thing you will do for yourself.
We are all a million building blocks put together. Our families, childhood and social environments shape our strengths and insecurities. We create our versions of rights and wrongs. As we grow up, we often realise that ‘what is wrong’ isn’t as black and white. Self-reflection and studying what brings you joy is an ever-changing and evolving phenomenon.
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