Let's talk about stress. We have all seen the funny Monday morning memes or the comical gifs that depict our sleep-deprived lives. But, let's really talk about it. In this blog, I talk about my (poor) relationship with sleep, and how I processed it, along with tips to follow to help you improve your relationship with sleep.
Stress isn't always the obvious state of being before an important meeting or exam. That's our natural bodily response to high-pressure situations. There is another deadly type of stress, the type that we don't notice. Those who have been reading Ensemble from the very beginning will remember that I spoke about dealing with stress in the first issue. This was particularly interesting to me because I didn't think I was stressed, yet I was showing symptoms of someone undergoing a stressful time. One of these symptoms was bruxism (excessive teeth-grinding whilst asleep) and the inability to get a night of good quality sleep. Bruxism was especially hard for me to deal with as teeth grinding over time led to terrible jaw pain. This was starting to affect my daily lifestyle as I couldn't focus on anything that I was doing. During its worst episode, I couldn't even sit up without throbbing pain. In my several calls and appointments with doctors, they all asked me the same question:
"Are you stressed?"
I always answered no. Stress to me was this image of a person who sweats profusely, is continually jittery, or generally unhappy. What I didn't know was that stress takes many different shapes. Stress isn't always stress when we show extreme physical symptoms. Over the last 2 years, I have personally suffered physical symptoms that when consulted with a professional was asked the same 'are you stressed?' question.
This is why we need to speak more about it. After much reflection, I realised that, heck yeah I might be stressed. Yes, I am extremely lucky and grateful for all that I have. I would like to believe that overall I am a grateful person. But, there are also many uncertainties around me that, whilst I have had a positive attitude, have stressed me out. From finishing my masters in the middle of lockdown, being in a lockdown, being unemployed in a pandemic, starting work in a pandemic, planning the move to a city I know no one, to now quitting my job and the list goes on. I also realised that I didn't recognise how much the pandemic affected me. I definitely had it so much easier than others. Yet, it was the little things like the inability to leave the house that impacted my routine, my sleep, and even my personality. Now that we are out of the pandemic, it wasn't like I have this switch that meant I went back to 'my old self'. I found it hard to go back to my old busy social life. This meant that I started to say no to a lot of social events. That in turn meant I felt guilty for being that friend who keeps saying no. For example, before something as simple as dinner plans, I would be nervous. I would be unable to sleep. I would be tossing and turning. It really did take me a lot of time to get 'back to normal'. Then I would be stressing over the fact that I am stressing for no reason. I call these 'self-made problems' #overthinkingvirgo
Many of us have experienced those late 2 am nights when we did everything right. We worked out during the day, we sat down to meditate or journal. We went for that 30-minute walk outdoors. But after all that, we still can’t sleep. We lay there staring at the ceiling in the dark thinking about that project at work, that appointment in the morning, the exam next week, or thinking about what to eat for breakfast in the morning. Sometimes there is something obvious keeping us up, and other times it’s the littlest thing. The feeling, either way, is just plain annoying. I have personally noticed that the quality of my sleep has significantly worsened over the pandemic and post-pandemic. Interestingly so, for me, it has been worse as we transitioned out of the pandemic. I felt as though during the lockdown everyone was on the same boat. Everyone was doing their best. But now, sometimes I have felt like everyone has resumed their lives and I was still stuck in the past.
I have experienced (we all have) a series of sleepless nights. But it started to become more and more frequent. The worst part? I would continually question - am I going to sleep tonight? Whilst the following may not solve your sleep problems, it may help! I know for a fact that in the future I will have some nights where I just can't sleep and that's ok.
☀️ During the day
I think we all know that there is a strong causal link between a healthy routine and good sleep. If you are going through a phase of bad sleeping patterns, then a lot of it can feel like it is out of your control. However, creating your routine is something you can do. It is important to create sustainable routines that are both healthy and fun for you. For me, this means:
One cup of caffeine a day (nothing after 2 pm)
45-minute outdoor walks
No phones after 8 pm
Eating healthier when and where possible
Reading before bed
Drinking lots of water
Journalling when I feel anxious
Adjusting the light and temperature to create the optimal environment (this means cooler bedrooms and low lighting)
🌓 Night of
Ok, you have done all the things you could do to improve your routine and you still can't sleep. That's OK. I have in the past had the tendency to get all worked up because I am trying so hard to sleep and I just can't do it. Just can't sleep. Relax. Meditate. Read. Leave the bedroom. Come back, and allow yourself to have this bad night's sleep - everyone has them. It's OK.
🥱 Day After
Ok, so you couldn't sleep last night. That's OK. It can be quite natural to worry that the same will happen tonight. Just focus on the moment. Take it easy. Get outside. Exercise. Eat well. And, go to bed with a fresh mind. Tell yourself 'I am tired, and looking forward to sleeping tonight'. The biggest tip to remember is that when we are struggling with something we often isolate ourselves. We make ourselves believe that we are the only ones going through this and that we are on our own. I think there is a sense of comfort in knowing that this isn't true. Stress and sleeplessness are two very common problems, and often it takes a lot of time to find the root cause, and deal with them. It's your body's clever way of telling you something is up. Rather than covering up and trying to get over it, maybe all you need to do is process it.
This article appeared in the Spring 2022 Issue of Ensemble Magazine. To view, all issues published: read here.
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