Am I Happy Now?

City in the morning.

Silence. A rarity in the city. Waking up, and stepping outside for the early morning coffee and a read at the local cafe. Living at the heart of the city I find it half asleep in the morning. That’s one thing I love about Sunday mornings in Sydney. Whilst the beaches might be swarming with 6 am runners, the city is as quiet as a church mouse. As I walked over to the coffee shop, the muted silence was a little confusing.

Stepping in, I had to double-check ‘Are you open?’.

After haphazardly grabbing the coins out of my pocket to pay for my cappuccino, I sat on one of the outside tables. I looked up to the Victorian balcony of Surry Hills, to find people slowly coming alive. Opening their blinds and windows to breathe in the air of the new day. Sipping away at my coffee and reading my book, I felt a sense of calm. Just being in the moment, I took a photo to remember it for myself.

Not for the Instagram stories, or to show others what an amazing morning person I am. But just for me. The light filtered through the tree branches onto the pages of my book. The light breeze gently ruffled the pages. Living in the moment, and finding moments of peace is something that is always talked about when you think of any mindfulness book. Wellness is about self-care, they say. You have to live in the moment, they say. But, how? In a world that is always on to the next. A society which only ever values the new and exciting. How do we find peace in the moment?

An answer to this for me recently has been deleting indirect virtual social connections. Getting rid of social media for the last few weeks has been one of the most liberating and healthiest things I have done this year. First time in a long time I find myself genuinely free of toxic comparison. By removing the constant consumption of overwhelming crap, I find myself more observant and aware. I notice where I am more. I feel much more appreciative of how I got here.

What does living in the moment mean?

Living in the moment is a phrase that means nothing. Quite literally we can’t do anything but live in the moment - so what does it mean? Rather than focusing on the empty words of living in the moment, I find observing the moment is more apt. Whether with people or alone, many of us spend a lot of time thinking of how we come across to other people. We make a lot of life decisions such as what we study, where we work, who we date, and what we wear, based on how we come across to others. Whether it’s a conscious or subconscious thought, it is something we have all fallen into. What is worth doing is often approved by how good it looks to others.

Even when I was sipping away my coffee and enjoying my book, I had a thought - I look so wholesome right now. Interestingly, even as I felt like I was observing the moment, I fell into the trap of how it looked to others. I found myself actively telling myself - No, I feel wholesome right now.

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